I slowly pulled the knife from my wounded chest. The 4-inch blade didn’t cause any pain, probably due to shock. Yep, that’s going to scar. Most of what happened next is still foggy in my memory. I vaguely remember going to the emergency room to have a team of doctors and nurses rush to my aid after I stumbled in. Pain killers, sutures, and a chest tube later, I rested in a comfortable hospital bed.
The puncture missed my heart by a quarter of an inch and I was lucky my lung was only collapsed for a short period of time. I wear three scars because of that morning on December 8, 2001. One from the knife, another from the chest tube, but the one that is most prominent is the scar of shame I have to remind myself is not shame at all, but a valuable lesson in growth.
Your scar is there for a reason
The details around the incident are not that important, but what is important is that God spared my life that day and if I don’t learn from my mistakes, then I am the real fool. During that time in my life, I let selfish desires rule my decision making.
The person who inflicted my wound should not have been a part of my life to begin with. However, due to my own insecurities, I looked past the red flags waving in my face. You can say I was young and dumb, but the fact remains I still made those choices, so the resulting action is a scar that I must bare.
Yes I have more scars
Even after that dramatic event, I didn’t completely learn my lesson. Almost 19 years later, I still make choices out of selfishness. There is one major difference, however. As poor as those choices were, I couldn’t see it in the moment, or shortly after for that matter. Today, when I make a selfish decision, it only takes seconds for me to see my folly.
Sometimes I am able to mend the error, and other times I must live with the consequences of my choice. Either way, I scar less. Today I stand proud that my scars have taught me great lessons throughout my years. I only hope my scars can help prevent others from getting their own battle wounds.
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