Betrayal to any degree is a pill difficult to swallow, but what if we redefined how we react to betrayal and turn it into a positive experience? Right about now you probably think I am off my rocker and are itching to close this blog. Please, hang with me a second and I’ll get to my point quickly.
Recently I had a task from The Artist’s Way
Betrayal is different for everyone
Betrayal may look different to you than it does to me. I define betrayal when someone knowingly goes against me regardless of the intent when I would expect them to go with me. It is the intent behind the betrayal that I find most important, not just the wrong doing.
Letting go of being wronged has become easier over the years, but betrayal is still one a struggle with. The core of betrayal is what bothers me. Not only did someone do something wrong against me, but they did so with that intent in mind. What are we supposed to do with betrayal if we can’t control the actions of others?
Change the story
Using my ridiculous example of betraying my diet with a chocolate delight, let’s discover how to deal with the betrayal of others. First, you want to control what you have control over. You don’t have control over the other person or their actions. However, you do have control over your perception of those actions.
Let’s say I bought Little Debbie’s Swiss Rolls and took it one step further and ate the whole box. Would that have been any different from just eating one? I may have gone into a sugar coma for a second, but in reality, the degree of betrayal doesn’t change. Betrayal has occurred once that first step is taken.
We need to understand that all betrayal is the same and we have the power to take the control away. We get to decide how it affects us and how we react. After eating the first roll, I had a choice to make. Do I let the indulgence create guilt or do I allow it to serve its purpose and move on?
Has someone wronged you on social media? Have they talked behind your back, or even worse, tried to ruin your reputation? You cannot change what they have done. But you can either give power to the betrayal by letting it hurt you, or you can use the betrayal as a tool.
Look at the last betrayal and ask yourself, what good can come out of this event. Depersonalize the situation and find out how you can turn the action to a benefit. For example, let’s say someone bashed you on social media. Most likely that is not the type of person who is feeding your soul anyway. Now you have motivation to protect yourself and move on. The tricky part is to take that action then let it go.
Prevent repetitive behavior
If I could visit all my readers and say this to your face to get my point across, I would. Your forgiveness or letting go of a betrayal does not permit the betrayer to hurt you again. When I’m wronged, I fear that I am letting people off the hook.
We are not the judge and jury to these people’s lives, so why take on the stress of that responsibility. Also, we carry the weight of the betrayal all day long when we focus on justice. Once we change the story of the betrayal and get the tool from the act, it is time to walk away.
Be proud that you turned a bad situation into a benefit for your own being and drop the dead weight. I know this is easier said than done, but it is easier to do when you get something. After eating my snack, I was teleported back to my childhood and I refrained from over indulging. I will take those wins and let the kids enjoy the rest of the treat.
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