When I was young I used to think that I would live forever. Today, the realization set in on how foolish that is. Okay, I didn’t really think that I would live forever, but the thought of getting older simply seemed far fetched. Fast forward to today and I realize, while I am not old just yet, I got a taste of my mortality.
About 2 weeks ago I couldn’t catch my breath. No fainting spells or anything that appeared to be severe, but I just couldn’t seem to breath right. Jess urged me to go to the ER as none of the urgent care facilities were open at that time. After a frustrating visit to the ER, I was told to follow up wit my primary care physician. 2 weeks later I am standing in the bathroom mirror shaving a specific portion of my chest to place a 24/7 heart monitor.
Today is not the last day
I don’t think my heart is failing and I don’t think this monitor will find anything significant, but it has made a mental impact on my humanity. Looking back on my life I don’t see any major regrets. Sure I wish some choices were made differently, or perhaps some lessons could have come easier, but as a whole, my life is at a minimum productive.
This realization of my humanity probably won’t change much in my day to day, but I hope my outlook on certain situations will become more appreciative and less frustrating. When my 4-year-old asks a barrage of questions, maybe that is less of an annoyance, and more of a beautiful curiosity of life.
Changes I should make
I am not going to turn this situation into a mid-life crisis sort of thing, but I do think there are some real changes that I need to make. The first is my morning routine. It must be a priority in my life to wake early and seek the replenishment of my soul. Without this, I fear my body will outlast my spirit. Secondly, I need to take a longer breath when something annoys me. Maybe my annoyance is mis-placed and the true value is when I can finally get over myself.
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